Hatred & Love

romance_after_the_fight

“Romance after the fight is the best romance in the world” is a pretty mashed up line now. And I do agree with it for starters. But what they don’t tell you is ‘why’. I think you have to look for the reasons in the fight. Hatred. Anger. The words themselves are so strong and the feelings so intense. I think it is the intensity of the fights that resides in our hearts, lurking like a molten lava challenging to be calmed down. You cannot. You could only channelize it. And what is the best stop apart from romance to get down at?

Call me crazy. Call me a lunatic. But I feel I am equally in love with her while she is screaming at the top of her voice and am trying to subdue it with my husky (clears throat) one. I think I’m oddly drawn to her flushed cheeks and her fuming eyes. I do not think I love her any less even when we are fighting. And the secret is neither does she. The anger burning in her tone only  tells me how much she believes that she owns me and cannot settle down to agree with any disagreement that may happen between us. The little things that she does not shy away from, tell me that it is the version of us belonging to this moment or the period of time we are battling and not us – whole ourselves. She inherently acknowledges this far superior worth of our bonding and knowingly or unknowingly she is careful about the fragile nature of it even when we are fighting. That knowing and yet not knowing part is what builds our castle of cards, our cloud of dreams. And each time we have an intense fight, we only prick away the least important clouds that we made together. We do have to sacrifice a cloud or two, though, each time we quarrel. That’s the rule of the game.

But hey, we have only been talking about the before romance – the fight part. Once you clear this stage of the multiplayer game, romance awaits you to rekindle few dying sparks and ignite the new ones. The fire that was set up by hatred, jealousy, possessiveness and all other motherfucking siblings of them, is now waiting to draw you close. Fucking close. It starts with her pushing you away. That is the first stage of it. Then there are more attempts from your end, marinated with sweet words of affection. The names you call her, you know. She says, Do not call me that! You then call her ‘that’ again. Next stage is your ego making an intermittent appearance questioning your pursuance of her. You ignore it at first and swallow it down at second. She then surrenders. Not completely. But you see the glimmering hope in her eyes with a reflection of yours. That hope is what we live for and die for. The hope in her eyes. Yes, that is the end. It starts with once upon a time and ends with hope and grace. Not ‘they happily lived ever after’. That is your job asshole. You write, edit, proofread that. Good fucking luck.

 

 

The Last of 90’s Girls

women, girls

She doesn’t pout when someone clicks her photograph.

She looks almost the same as she does on her Facebook profile.

She is not a #Hashtag girl, she tucks complications inside.

The only time she puts a make-up on, is on a wedding time.

She is a rage. She is passion. She is the last of 90’s girls.

She checks out a guy, but doesn’t think it’s old fashioned to feel shy.

She knows how to use Photoshop, but

She is not a master of putting filters on Instagram.

She’s still got a mixed tape cassette in her collection.

The one she doesn’t play yet hums the songs of her favorite Boy-band.

She feels nostalgic every time someone mentions Yahoo messenger.

She says Watsapp killed what once used to be ‘hey, are you there?’

She loves early morning texts. She enjoys late night chats.

But Handwritten letters are what she loves the most, she doesn’t tell you that.

From Blank calls on landline to Missed calls on first mobile phone.

From writing crush’s name in scrapbooks to his first scrap on her Orkut wall.

From Café Coffee Day dates to Hallmark greeting cards.

She is evanescent. She is endangered. She is the last of 90’s girls.

She asks him for what they dreamt of. She hopes. She demands.

She stomps the ground and Love pours from the clouds.

Her smile is a gateway drug to, everything you ever lost;

Moonwalking slowly back into your life.

She’s fallen in love. She’s been heartbroken.

She is heading into extinction now.

Find her. Treasure her. Make her feel special.

Not because she wants you to. Because she is.

Because she is the last of 90’s girls.

Double Distilled Feelings

Write Drunk and Edit Sober

Double distilled feelings and

A complementary hangover of memories.

A wrinkled bed sheet smudged with cigarette ash,

And an ignored slice of barbeque pizza on the side.

A ceiling fan doing ringa ringa roses,

It struggles to throw the smoky thoughts outside.

Outside the window he was staring from.

High. Happy High. Sad. And hopeful at the same time.

There was something amazing about her.

How she came onto his rescue every time.

Encircling him into her arms,

And him surrendering himself into her.

A cold breeze brought the news of her arrival and

An orange Sun gently stole her away from his arms.

With her he felt most peaceful,

And yet chaotic at the same time.

The way she slips into his lap,

Let the scent of her hair envelop him,

And watch his resistance vanish like the smoke on the wind.

Gravity grows more jealous,

Every time her eyes lay a grip on his masculinity.

 Cursed was the man who was endowed with

A beautiful sentimental heart, tainted by a cynical mind.

Are you one of those people who press the elevator button twice or more, and truly believe that it will come faster?

Blogging

‘So, are you one of those people who press the elevator button twice or more in a period of less than 60 seconds and truly believe that it will come faster? I was one of you, and most of us are. In this Dolce far niente phase of my life, It was a cozy winter afternoon where I came across this question regarding pressing the elevator button. Within seconds, I found myself digging deep in the rabbit hole trying to know as to why do I (we) actually press the button and expect it to come faster? We have always subconsciously believed that the more number of times we press the elevator button, the faster it is going to come. Right? Wrong! Our subconscious self knows that the elevator has recorded the press and will arrive at its time, but in our material-driven, self conscious world we think pressing it again is going to help.

Maybe because most of us are so adapted to ‘do’ things constantly. We can’t stay still. We can’t do ‘nothing’. The moment we realize the elevator isn’t coming anytime soon, we start getting edgy. Then, we feel extremely edgy. Just even in a matter of a couple of minutes, we can’t stand just like that. Humans have been disciplined to prefer action over inaction. From the time we wake up in the morning right till we hit the bed at night, how many seconds do we just sit still doing ‘nothing’? Doing nothing is also an action, but at a different state; which we fail to practice most of the times. I’d also like to point out, we live in a society where being busy signifies importance and doing nothing is frowned upon. People are just a bit less busy than it takes to tell people they are busy.

This behavior is not limited to elevators, but also I could see people pressing the pedestrian crossing button over and over again, and we do it on our computers too while entering some command.

Is it because we want to take control over everything that is happening to us in our lives? It seems to me that we are too afraid to let go, sit back and watch things happen to us. It is too dreadful to think about this experience as something terrible might just happen. No?

Anyways, Is it wrong or harmful to press the elevator button twice or more? As long as it fulfills the purpose of making our brains calmer in that moment, why not just do it? We really know pressing the button MAKES NO DIFFERENCE and the elevator will come at its time. But yet, the more time the lift takes to come, the more number of times we press the button. It is said that we humans are the rational most beings on Earth. But has the hole over-flown now? Do you think we give way too much importance to rationality? I believe rationality is subjective and not one universal paradigm. And just calming your brain doesn’t seem to be irrational in any way or does it really? It isn’t about rationality.

It is about faith and trust. Patience is too cliché a word. I wouldn’t say it teaches us patience, which by itself it certainly does. But something bigger and beautiful beyond patience, it cultivates a culture within us, as individuals. We don’t need to take charge of everything that happens to us, because whatever is going to happen and can happen will happen anyway. There is thrill in giving (away) controls of your life. And we need to start trusting things, trusting the elevator, trusting the lift and trusting yourself for being able of developing trust. We need to shrug off our insecurities and simply trust.

Because the gospel, my friends, is that the elevator will not come early no matter how many times you press the button. Just press it once, and stay. Stay still and tell yourself that the elevator will be here soon, following its status, and in no time the elevator shall arrive! When I did this for the first time, I walked in the elevator with a pure and blissful sense of achievement. I felt calmer than I would feel otherwise. The main epiphany I had here is that being in control of yourself feels much greater and pleasant than trying to control other external factors. And every time you do this when you are waiting for an elevator, soon you’re going to get dang amused to see yourself feel free and lighter and cheerful. Trust me on this; it is one of the best feelings to see yourself develop a new habit that stays with you for life. The habits and cultures I’ve cultivated in myself at this age are the most memorable ones and are independent of any external pressure or brainwashing. I took the sole decision of it & it feels fascinating.

Just know what my sense of universe is trying to tell you, When you press the button of the lift , the lift is going to come, regardless of how many times you have pressed the button (You will get what you want). Also, if you keep pressing the lifts button twice or more, restlessly, it is Not going to make any difference and it will come at its time. (You will get what you’ve always got). I also just realized I have thoroughly and thickly endorsed dolce far niente in the lines I wrote above, unplanned so I believe it’s a pat on my back by the universe. Maybe…

About the author: 
Kiran Dave is a knowledge hungry, and a passionate lover of life. She believes as we love, we attract. She is fond of Expressing by the means of writing, practices meditation. She loves meeting people as she believes we all have a story to tell, and that there is happiness and inspiration that magnifies the positive level of your nature and psyche in everything we experience as Humans. Reading stories and current affairs of the world is one of her favorite amusement. She’s an aspiring scholar in the scope of International Relations.
Follow her on www.simplytac.blogspot.in